![]() Instead, begin to plan ways to taper off the support in return for demonstrated progress in cleaning up – and be prepared to either take on the grandchildren yourself or allow someone else to. Cut them off and they may in fact decide to die rather than clean up. You also know that continuing will never benefit your grandchildren. So how do you go about doing what you know is right when everything seems stacked against you?įirst, it’s necessary to keep in mind what you already know: your child will bleed you dry and out onto the street before they will stop exploiting you. You want to believe the promises, you succumb to the threats, or you cave in to the guilt that the blaming dredges up, no matter how real or ridiculous. Endless promises, threats, and blame will follow any interruption in the cash flow. It’s hard to stand up to the drunk or the druggie when they have no restraints on what they will say or do. This is when the need for support comes in. That will include using their children to get to you. Initially they will probably escalate their aggressive behaviors to get you to return to the old status quo, no matter how awful that really was for everyone. These reactive changes are the hard part. How they change isn’t predictable, but they will change. When you change how you deal with your adult children they too are forced to change. ![]() It may not seem like much, but sometimes it’s enough. The reality is, however, that we can’t change anyone but ourselves. Most of us go though our lives wishing someone else would change. ![]() The answer to that is that they aren’t going to. These choices can be unmade, but as long as you’re supporting them financially, protecting them from the consequences of their choices and behaviors, why would they change? The trouble is that drug and alcohol abuse, dependence, and addiction, aren’t really diseases, they’re choices – choices the alcoholic and addict made and continue to make. Believing this, how can any parent deny support to a sick child? This is the lever that every active drunk and junkie – and many “recovering” ones as well – use to control everyone around them: “It isn’t my fault and if you don’t give me the money I’ll die.” The most destructive belief most of us have held at one time or another is that alcohol and drug abuse is an incurable disease over which the addict or alcoholic has no control. Managing this means overcoming a lot of mythology. ![]() ![]() It means finding the courage to face the reality without being swept away by understandable emotions. Though it takes toughness that’s hard to muster and support which is even harder to find, there are alternatives. The cycle continues until someone dies or there isn’t anything left to extort. Funds intended to benefit the grandchildren disappear without benefiting anyone. You post bail, buy cars, pay rent, doctors’ and attorneys’ fees, and pay for treatment that they rarely see through and that usually doesn’t work even when they do. You hand over cash, even though you know it’s useless, often wondering if your child’s problem is something you caused. How to Send Appointment Reminders that WorkĪs parents you capitulate even as you destroy your own fragile financial security.Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists.Practice Management Software for Therapists. ![]()
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